candor.

yesterday, a little birdie told me that we are all works in progress. sure, i've heard this before; but i experienced this phrase in an entirely different way, this time.

i tend to think about what i've accomplished, what i've learned, and what i require/expect more often than i consider where i fall short, where i can stand to change, and what i'm currently "editing". i may be highly accomplished with honors in one area of my life, yet underdeveloped and poverty-stricken in another.

i've struggled with low self-esteem and a distorted body image for as long as i can remember. in an effort to keep my head above water (emotionally), there are times when i have overcompensated for my shortcomings by overachieving. i still struggle with my need to overachieve. it is an omnipresence that encompasses me and even controls me at times. it is a defense mechanism. and even in its best/most positive state of existence, it is still a downfall. others may profit from my need to overachieve, but it serves no real purpose on my path to self-actualization. what i do isn't nearly as important as how i do; and until i'm okay with me (with flaws, without accomplishments, without regard to my own "strength," etc...), what i accomplish is but a placeholder.

candor: being frank, open, and sincere in speech or expression.

this is what keeps me grounded and knowing that i'm human like everyone else. if i only focus on what i'm doing well, i create a false sense of reality, which nurtures a sense of entitlement. other notable attributes: pretentiousness, narcissism, piety, and self-righteousness - none of which are desirable. if i seek to view my life the way the little birdie does, not only will i have a full picture of self, but less and less will i be caught up in what appears real, and be truly and humbly concerned with what actually is real.

are you a pea in this pod?