unpacked.

music has always been a part of my life, but as of late, it is beginning to take a different form within me.

here are the themes i think of, when considering music:

unpack(ed): to expound on the significance and definition

intimacy - a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject or period of history. an act or expression serving as a token of familiarity or affection. liberty.

i think of music very intimately. it has always been difficult for me to share the gift of music i've been given. i found that i have either conformed to the standard of those around me in regards to how i sing or what inspires/influences me, instead of just being me and walking my own path of consciousness. as a kid, i was forced to sing in the choir at church. and i'm looking at it now like wow, that was a form of emotional rape; forced to share something i wasn't ready to share, repeatedly, and without fully understanding its significance.

purity - freedom from any admixture or modifying addition. innocence.

music, in its purest form, is a combination of pleasing sounds. in its more complex form, it is an entity that unifies the listener to the topic of the song, be it a message, a struggle, a pain, an excitement, etc. to be purely free from any modifying addition simply means i am who i am, without justification, without rhyme or reason; flaws and all. if music bears no justification, is it not still music? if it doesn't rhyme or follow a pattern, or if it doesn't make sense - does that make it less musical? if it's imperfect...is it sub-par?

imperfection - the quality of condition of lacking completeness. being characterized by flaws.

if i were perfect, i would be of no use here on earth. i'm an unfinished product. a canvas that may possess line, depth, and even shade, but may be void of color or theme. no work of art is the same, nor does it go through the same process. sculptures may have to be placed in an oven, but paintings cannot be - just because one must endure heat to be completed, doesn't mean the other one is less artistic.

abstract - thought apart from concrete realities, specific objects or actual instances. theoretical.

less rigid, caring more about concept than fact. this is how i described part of my process today.
for so long, with music, i thought that there was a perfect way to construct a song. even with planning and theoretical knowledge, music still needs to be abstract. not bound to a particular methodology or framework. it needs to breathe and be free.
for so long, with me, i thought there was a perfect way of being. even with planning and discipline, i still need to be, abstractly. not bound to a particular way of thinking or type of construction. i need to breathe, relax, and be free.

sobriety - seriousness, gravity, solemnity.

i haven't thought this clearly in years. i can conceptualize gravity now. it determines how "heavy" or "light" matter is. sobriety allows me to be clear, level, solemn, concrete, and serious. but it also allows me to be available, devoid of any modifying substance, and open-minded. less rigid. less focused on fact.

unexplored emotion - not yet discovered or determined affective state of consciousness.

music is more than a concept; it is an unexplored emotion. undetermined, not certain. i lack so much confidence in my ability to sing (uncertainty). i am my own worse critic, defeating myself before putting forth the effort. uncharted territory, the unknown...these are frightening concepts. who is really comfortable in not knowing? but this is where we really have an opportunity to put our trust in something greater than ourselves (God). knowing that he knows can conquer our fears - but it is still a process. ever thought "i don't know how to feel," or "i don't know how i feel?" sometimes we have to allow things to affect us, so that we can discover ourselves.

daily unpacking. are you a pea in this pod?